Here Are A Bunch Of Snowmen Chanting, "Hail Satan!" To Get You In The Holiday Spirit

A weird thing to make a bunch of snowmen say but I’m just happy that Christmas stuff is out in the stores and people are taking notice. Can Thanksgiving happen already?  It’s starting to get awkward.  We’re in that weird stage of the holiday season where people aren’t sure how they’re supposed to act. We’re at the point now where whenever a Christmas commercial comes on TV everyone thinks, “Oh fuck yeah.  I love Christmas. I can’t wait. Aw shit. We still gotta do that one thing where we all sit at the dinner table and different generations argue about Barack Obama.”  Everybody is ready to explode with Christmas spirit but we still have to get through a day of stuffing pounds of turkey into our faces and watching a bunch of football.  I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Thanksgiving is good. Thanksgiving is fine.  I like Thanksgiving but it’s a stepping stone. There’s a reason people INSTANTLY start listening to Christmas music the second Thanksgiving is over.

Are we in the trust tree?  Is this one of those safe spaces the colleges kids keep talking about where no one can make fun of me? I hope so because I put up my Christmas tree on Sunday and I’m so happy and I don’t care who knows it. Well I kinda care because I’m afraid people will judge me harshly for it. Having my Christmas tree up already honestly feels like I’m harboring a fugitive. I didn’t want anybody to find out in fear that the Thanksgiving Police would be all up my ass about it. I only told people close to me about it. I only let a select few people enter my apartment since then. Well the monkey’s outta the bottle now. You wanna know why I put it up so early? Because most years I put it up too late and don’t get to enjoy it. So now I’m putting it up extra early to enjoy it for longer and you know what? It’s been great. It brightens my day. I highly recommend it. Don’t let the Thanksgiving people repress your Christmas feelings.